So, You Broke Your Foot!

Those are the words I received from the emergency room doctor 11 days ago. I’ve never broken a bone in my body, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. Did I break it scoring the winning goal in a soccer game? A bar-room brawl? A 50-yard dash? No, I ran up the stairs in our house. I somehow misjudged while taking two steps at a time. Just goes to show how fragile life (and feet) are.

Unfortunately for me, Nick was headed out of town the next day on a trip he had won through work, so there I was, alone with the boys for nine days with a throbbing, black and swollen foot. They told me to stay off of it for three days, keep it elevated, and use ice for the swelling. Of course none of those things happened. I go back later this week to see how it’s healing, so hopefully the boot they gave me to wear has done the trick. I couldn’t slow down at all, but in the past couple days the pain has disappeared, a good sign.

Nick didn’t get back until around 8 p.m. on Halloween, so it was all on me to take the boys trick-or-treating and then hand out 420 pieces of candy. Our neighborhood reminds me of my days of trick-or-treating back in the ‘70s before anyone was worried about razor blades in candy. I ran out of candy at 7:15 and could have probably handed out another 200 pieces. We had taken the boys to pick out costumes a couple weeks ago and Dylan chose Batman and Reid chose SuperWhy (he's a reading superhero on PBS weekday mornings). They practiced saying "trick-or-treat" for days, and knew that something was going down, although I don't think they knew exactly what. But it was fun to see them get so excited. After about two houses, they caught on fast and wanted to keep going to get more candy. It was a warm evening, so the boys and I handed out candy from the front porch after they were done trick-or-treating. But then they kept taking off, bothering the next door neighbors who were doing the same. It was stressful to keep up with them and make sure they didn’t get too far from me. But in the end, I suppose everything worked out and the boys understand what Halloween is all about. And they only ate candy for dinner, but I let them have fun.

Another thing that crossed my mind in the past week is how difficult it is to raise children with little to no help. Nick had called my parents, but it would have taken them several days to get here (my mother is incapable of leaving home without a full 20 days to plan and pack) and neither my father nor mother walks dogs, changes diapers, cooks, or cleans, so what would the point have been for them to bother coming here? I’ve still never met Nick’s mom, and she’s never been here to see her grandkids. All the neighbors were busy on Halloween, so really no one was able to help out. I just sucked it up and took it one day at a time.

I can’t believe it’s only three weeks until Thanksgiving. We’ll have no family here for the holiday, so I’m going to start checking around and see if our gay parent couple friends are interested in getting together. Holidays are much more fun with laughter, friends, and even more children.

One final note. I HAVE to watch Oprah today with Ricky Martin. I’m mostly curious to see how he deals with his twin boys. They were conceived in the same clinic as our boys, and at about the same time. I’m sure he has a nanny or two, but his story should be interesting.

Patience is a Virtue

So how much patience do you have? Think you have what it takes to be a parent? I’ve never considered myself to be a patient person at all, so I have to be proud of myself this morning.

Reid had an appointment with an ENT specialist because of his ear infection and tonsil issue. He’s doing better after a week on antibiotics, but he doesn’t seem to be completely over it. I had to take both boys, so I was dreading this trip to a new doctor. I left early, expecting heavy traffic, plus I’ve never been to this particular doctor and wanted to allow time to find the place. Reid and Dylan were happy to be going somewhere in the car and did their “chair dancing” to music on the radio the whole way there. I was thinking they were in such a good mood, this just might turn out to be an easy doctor visit.

The boys ran toward the building, racing to the big blue button that they’ve figured out opens doors on every building. “C’mon Dylan”, Reid ordered. He’s become quite comfortable with ordering his brother around. We had to take the elevator, and I still have to wonder why every elevator has the alarm button down low enough for a two-year-old to reach. We just can’t ride an elevator without ringing the alarm! But then I was a little boy once, so I understand the fascination with buttons.

Nick had filled out all the paperwork online and printed it out, so all I had to do was sign in and wait. The woman called me over and asked for my ID to make a copy. Then she asked me, “Who are you? We need a relative here for this.” Nick had used his name on the paperwork as the father, but I had noticed my name in there somewhere too. “I’m the father”, I responded. Then she asked me who the other man was on the paper work. “He’s their other father,” I said. “Oh. OOOHHH!”, the lady said. Before I even thought, I told her, “It’s all very ‘Modern Family’”, and she laughed.

The boys found a toy in the corner and I sat down to wait with a magazine. Reid started to play with brochures, and I told him to leave them alone. “NO”, he said. So I took the brochure display and moved it up where he couldn’t reach them. And so it began, 40 minutes of the best kicking and screaming tantrum any two-year-old could muster. People in the waiting room were looking at me like, “OK, my life might really suck, but at least I’m not that guy over there with the screaming kid!” There was nothing I could do but shut my brain off. If I only had one kid, I could have taken him outside the office, but I had to stay with Dylan. I maintained my patience and tried to ignore the screaming, holding Reid the entire time. After about 20 minutes, we were called back to the exam room where he continued screaming. Surprisingly, he settled down for a hearing test (the woman was great with kids) and did fairly well after that. The doctor wants to see if the fluid goes away in his ears on its own in the next week, and if it doesn't, he'll need tubes put in. We'll be back for another round at this doctor's office.

I have no idea what Reid's problem was, or why my taking away brochures set off such a long tantrum, but that’s a two-year-old for you. Once we were done, Dylan decided it was his turn for a tantrum, apparently angry about his choice of stickers they offered him. He fell on the floor, pulled his shoes off and threw them across the waiting room. Luckily, Reid had stabilized by now, so I just put Dylan’s shoes in the diaper bag, picked up Dylan as he kicked and screamed (which isn’t easy because he’s now around 33 pounds) and headed for the elevator. Dylan’s fit was short and sweet, as he settled down to push the alarm in the elevator on the way down.

So the moral of the story is, patience can be learned. And must be learned when you’re the parent of two-year-old twins. Or maybe the moral is, two-year-olds and going out in public don’t mix!

A Trip to the ER

It's been a loooong weekend. Reid has a double ear infection and Nick had to go out of town for a work. Poor Reid, whining and crying now for three days. It just kills me to see either of them in pain. Then I had noticed yesterday blood on his pillow. After his nap, more blood, and lots of blood in his mouth! Luckily our dentist lives nearby so I had her take a look. She could see his tonsils were inflamed and bloody and suggested going to the emergency room, so we spent the evening at the hospital. I think Reid was more scared than in pain, but he cried the whole time while we were waiting. It turned out that he has big tonsils and they were infected too, but since he's already on antibiotics, he just had to continue on the same course. The main concern was that he could have been reacting to the antibiotics, but that was ruled out. Hopefully he'll be better soon.

I was talking to a good friend of mine today from high school on the phone and she was telling me about how her son, who's in high school, may be pretending to be gay, or letting people think he's gay, just to "be cool". Wow, times sure have changed since I was in high school. Sometimes I worry about how my boys will be treated in school for having two dads, but then I forget that kids know a lot more these days, and it's not like they'll be the only kids with same sex parents. You hear the horrible stories recently about gay teens being taunted and bullied in the news, but I have to wonder if these aren't very isolated issues, or at least hope they're not the norm. I was never bullied in school, but then I wasn't out, and really didn't understand my own feelings at the time. I guess I was just sort of asexual through my teen years, so it wasn't an issue for me.

Fall is here, and today is gloomy, cool, and rainy. No frost yet, so the trees aren't turning much. Seems so strange that the season is changing, but time goes on. We haven't figured out what the boys will be for Halloween, but they seemed excited to help put up Fall decorations in the house and Halloween lights outside. Every time we go to the store, they get so excited when they see all the "punkins". They know something is up! The holidays should be a lot of fun for them this year. They know what candy is too, so I'm sure they'll catch on to trick-or-treating fast.

My parents are coming to visit later in the week, and possibly Nick's mother as well. Should be interesting if she comes since I've never met her and she's never met the boys. I think it's nice that my parents are coming every six months to visit so hopefully the boys will have some memory of grandparents.

At Summer's End

Summer is coming to a close, although it’s still 90 degrees in Denver today. These pictures were taken at a nearby pool a couple weeks ago on a very hot afternoon. The boys still don’t want to go into deep water, but they have fun in the sprayers and the very shallow water. I can sit in the water to keep cool while keeping an eye on them playing, a great way to wear them out and spend a hot summer day. We just reapply sun block often.

The boys are growing and learning to talk, and have learned how to turn down 95% of the food presented to them at meal times. I guess that’s typical, but really, how many crust-less peanut butter and jelly samiches can two little boys eat? Guess we’ll find out. Reid is still ahead in language skills, and I’m surprised almost daily by the new things he says. He’s very observant and repeats as well as any trained parrot.

I’m starting a parenting class tomorrow evening that was recommended by neighbors. It’s a series of five two-hour classes, so I’ll see how it goes. I want so much for my boys, and want to be the best parent possible. I didn’t grow up around many kids since my family was small, and never had cousins with kids or really any point of reference as how to best deal with toddlers other than my memories of how I was raised. My parents were young when they had me, and I was spanked up until about age five. I remember once asking my mom to spank me instead of taking away my bike for a week for some infraction, and she told me no, that I was too big for spanking. At that point I realized that spanking was over with fast, but having privileges taken away hurt more. I was never hit or abused, just properly disciplined in my opinion. We’ve moved well into the discipline stage at this point, and Reid is very familiar with the “naughty spot”. I got that one from “Supernanny”. I’m curious to see how this class goes and what 21st Century parenting ideas they have. Maybe this will give me new blog material!

Full time work still evades me, although I had a quick contract job that I was able to do from home. My partner and I have decided to turn this work I’ve done into a business, so we started a corporation and have a website close to being complete. Neither one of us has ever done this before, but Nick seems very motivated and has the sales talent and connections. If this works out, it could be the perfect solution for us both. Otherwise, I’m continuing with my volunteer work and being a full-time papa.

I’m never thrilled about the changes this time of year from shorts and flip-flops to coats and socks. Winter can seem very isolating, and it’s so hard to endure the dark evenings. But this year the boys will probably have more fun with Halloween and Christmas. I dug through their clothes the other day and they don’t have a single pair of long pants that fit, or even a coat that fits. I picked up a couple pairs of Winter pajamas the other day, but we really need to do some clothes shopping. It takes all four of us together to go find clothes that fit. Like typical boys, they seem to not like trying on clothes. I haven’t figured out what they’ll be for Halloween, but they still keep dragging out their monkey costumes from last year and squeezing into them. Guess we got our money’s worth on those costumes! There is a bright side this Winter. The Farmer’s Almanac says it’s supposed to be warmer and drier than normal, so maybe we’ll still get lots of playground time after all.

This and That

I know, it's been a while! Summer is busy, and I feel like every moment of every day is consumed.

Nick gave me air miles to take a needed break, so I spent five days back in California visiting old friends and neighbors. The best part... I got to sleep nine hours each night! It seemed odd to be carefree and off schedule, but I enjoyed the time away.

My unemployment benefits stopped a month ago, but they're supposed to start back up since Congress finally passed the latest extension. They really keep you in the dark on these benefits, and I didn't even know I was at the end of my first extension. I know people who have been on unemployment for two years, so I was a little surprised to have benefits stop after only nine months. Anyway, my extension is good through sometime in November, and I'm guessing there probably won't be any more extensions, or at least won't count on it. The last resort will be to get the boys in some sort of daycare before November and I go register with every job agency in town and take any job I can get. The alternative would be financial ruin for me! I've had a couple good interviews recently, but neither one has resulted in a job offer yet. One was a Federal job, and they can take months to actually get the offer. I try to calm my anxiety and have faith that everything will fall into place, but no matter what happens, there will be huge adjustments. Getting back into spending my days at work sounds daunting, although I think I need the mental stimulation. Putting the boys in daycare is another worry for me and cause of anxiety. I hate the idea of it, but I know plenty of people who use daycare and everyone adjusts and survives.

The boys keep growing, learning, fighting, and surprising me . Reid is saying new things almost daily, and Dylan finally started spouting off words here and there. The nice thing is that they can ask for things once in a while rather than crying and whining. We're working on ABCs and numbers too. Reid still gets into everything, and every time he makes another mess, I wonder when he'll grow out of this.

It's been hot here, so outdoor activities have been limited to evenings for the most part. We've been to museums and a few indoor activities, and tomorrow, we're riding the rails. They love trains, and loved the little train at the zoo, so tomorrow morning we're taking the light rail train out to a suburban mall. I think they'll enjoy riding a real train, and it's cheap entertainment!

One thing I've noticed in our neighborhood is that many of the stay at home moms seem to have their cliques, and I don't fit into them. I'm not taking offense to that, but being a gay stay at home parent can be rather lonely at times. Really, what do I have in common with these women, outside of parenting? I've been meaning to reach out to our gay dad friends to get together because it just seems more natural to be around them. When you're dealing with two-year-old twins, time seems to get away and it's easy to end up not being very social. I think I've become a bit depressed, partially due to the job situation, but also just feeling lonely, so I need to make more effort to schedule social time of some sort.

The boys like the pool, but they love the fountains at a nearby park more, so that's another evening activity we've taken up for hot nights. The weekend before last, our air conditioner went out and it was over 100 degrees, so we had to find some way to cool down. I'd forgotten about these fountains that were installed just for the purpose of play.

Summer is Finally Here

May has been a busy month, and it still isn't winding down! My parents were here last weekend, then headed up to the mountains for the week, and will be back for Memorial Day weekend. Their visit went well and they really seemed to enjoy the boys and all the silly things they do. Two weekends ago was our neighborhood block party, which was mostly work for me. Nick was out of town for work, so watching the boys alone at the party was a little nerve-wracking! They had a petting zoo, jumpy castle, train rides, a DJ, and lots of food. Many things for little boys to get into. Then last weekend we had a one year birthday party for a neighbor, and like all one-year-old parties around here, it quite the soiree. This Sunday is yet another party in the park that neighbors are hosting, a three year old birthday party, and keeping my parents occupied. Our neighborhood swimming pool opens up too, so it could be a busy weekend. Maybe June will be a little less crazy.

Nick has someone coming tomorrow to start the boys on piano lessons. I took lessons for a couple years, but the saxophone was my specialty, and I played all the way up to college in different bands. But I'm curious to see what can be taught to two-year-olds. So far, they have pounding on the keyboard down quite well! We also have a neighborhood soccer class that takes kids from 18 months, so we may try that too. Dylan definitely seems more interested in kicking a soccer ball and playing catch, but we may let them both try it to see if they like it.

No more Modern Family, Brothers and Sisters, or Desperate Housewives for a while. I guess we're supposed to be outside at the playground in the evening this time of year and not watching television. True Blood starts up again next month and Nick got me hooked on that one. I think we'll have to DVR True Blood and watch it after the boys go to sleep. They're getting to that age where we're going to have to figure out how to use the parental controls and block channels. We get every channel satellite TV offers, so I'm sure something will need to be blocked eventually.

Also on my agenda is potty training, at least for Reid. I really have no clue what to do here, and from what I've heard, no one else does either. You just try different things and see what works. But Reid has started grabbing his diaper and saying "yuk", and then took off his diaper twice in the past week to pee on the floor. Although it just seems wrong to me, at the advice of neighbors, we've shown them "how to pee in the potty" a few times. I suppose this makes sense. How else would they know how to go? We got a potty that hooks onto the regular toilet with a step for them to get up. Reid peed in the toilet after lunch today and got lots of praise and a sticker. Dylan seemed baffled by what was going on and kept going back to look in the toilet. I've heard that with twins, one will become potty trained and then the other one usually follows, not wanting to be left out. I've tried Dylan on the toilet and he just cries, as if something horrible were happening to him. I've dreaded potty training since they were born, but I suppose my motivation is that I'm spending at least $75 a month on diapers. This should be interesting.

This is my favorite picture from the photo shoot I did with the boys three weeks ago. Since Nick turned 40 a few days after the boys' birthday, I hired a photographer and did a photo shoot as a present for him. I bought a nice frame that's actually many connected frames and put all my favorites in it to create a nice piece of artwork that's now in the entry hall. Nick seemed to really like it and appreciate all the work that went into it. The boys' birthday was exhausting, but they had fun. Plus, after they blew out their candles, I surprised Nick with his 40th cake. I don't think he was expecting that, but I figured there was no sense in inviting 60 people back a few days later.

I had a great interview with four people for a job, but in the end, no job. The recruiter told me that two of the interviewers wanted to hire me, but the other two thought my "energy level wasn't quite where they wanted it to be". Personally, I think that was a BS excuse. I was interviewed by two men and two women, and felt like I connected with the women and one of the men. The other man had the energy level of a doorknob, and the recruiter said the other man was one of the two who wanted to hire me. I have a feeling I was vetoed by the women for some other reason. Maybe they didn't want a man in the position? One of the women stressed that the company was very "family oriented". For a gay father, that can mean more than one thing. On the surface, it sounds great for someone like me who is family oriented. But then that can also be code for "anti-gay", so maybe it was best that I didn't get the job. I doubt they thought I was gay since I brought up having children. One of the men asked what I'd been doing during unemployment, so I mentioned staying at home with the boys and my volunteer work. He seemed impressed that I was home with the boys, but asked if my "wife was working". I just responded "yes". So what should I have said? Times are tough, and putting a gay stamp on my forehead probably wouldn't have helped any. Coming out in the workplace is always a difficult process since your livelihood depends on you job. I was semi-outed in my last job after the boys were born, and had no issues with anyone. I'd prefer to work somewhere gay friendly, but somehow I always seem to end up working with mostly conservative old people! It's just difficult to keep your personal life personal when you have kids.

Hopefully I'll get an unemployment extension the end of this month as I keep looking. I'm on my first extension right now, but they don't explain how the extensions work or how long you really have. It's been almost a year since I was laid off, so I'm a bit worried at this point. One year, 140 applications, two in-person interviews, and two phone interviews. Very discouraging!