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Friday, May 14, 2010


This is my favorite picture from the photo shoot I did with the boys three weeks ago. Since Nick turned 40 a few days after the boys' birthday, I hired a photographer and did a photo shoot as a present for him. I bought a nice frame that's actually many connected frames and put all my favorites in it to create a nice piece of artwork that's now in the entry hall. Nick seemed to really like it and appreciate all the work that went into it. The boys' birthday was exhausting, but they had fun. Plus, after they blew out their candles, I surprised Nick with his 40th cake. I don't think he was expecting that, but I figured there was no sense in inviting 60 people back a few days later.

I had a great interview with four people for a job, but in the end, no job. The recruiter told me that two of the interviewers wanted to hire me, but the other two thought my "energy level wasn't quite where they wanted it to be". Personally, I think that was a BS excuse. I was interviewed by two men and two women, and felt like I connected with the women and one of the men. The other man had the energy level of a doorknob, and the recruiter said the other man was one of the two who wanted to hire me. I have a feeling I was vetoed by the women for some other reason. Maybe they didn't want a man in the position? One of the women stressed that the company was very "family oriented". For a gay father, that can mean more than one thing. On the surface, it sounds great for someone like me who is family oriented. But then that can also be code for "anti-gay", so maybe it was best that I didn't get the job. I doubt they thought I was gay since I brought up having children. One of the men asked what I'd been doing during unemployment, so I mentioned staying at home with the boys and my volunteer work. He seemed impressed that I was home with the boys, but asked if my "wife was working". I just responded "yes". So what should I have said? Times are tough, and putting a gay stamp on my forehead probably wouldn't have helped any. Coming out in the workplace is always a difficult process since your livelihood depends on you job. I was semi-outed in my last job after the boys were born, and had no issues with anyone. I'd prefer to work somewhere gay friendly, but somehow I always seem to end up working with mostly conservative old people! It's just difficult to keep your personal life personal when you have kids.

Hopefully I'll get an unemployment extension the end of this month as I keep looking. I'm on my first extension right now, but they don't explain how the extensions work or how long you really have. It's been almost a year since I was laid off, so I'm a bit worried at this point. One year, 140 applications, two in-person interviews, and two phone interviews. Very discouraging!

3 comments:

Mark said...

I feel for you even though I have never been in your position. I'm sorry that you didn't get the job and considering the situation during the interview, I would have answered the "wife" question the same way. I mean, it's all about survival. And although I have not been in your situation, Fred has/is. We have been basically been living on one salary for 6 years. I won't get into it now but if you Google Bi-National Gay Immigration, you can pretty much figure out our story.
Beyond that, I love the picture of the boys. Everything is perfect about it.
I really do hope that things turn around in the "work" area. At the same time, the boys have more time with you. Maybe their wish came true? m.

GayDad said...

Thanks Mark! I keep trying for Federal positions and have 3 right now that I'm waiting to hear back on. Those are frustrating because you put so much work into applying and then never get to an interview.

All the time with the boys has been worth being broke though! Someday I'll look back and miss this time.

Mike and Mike said...

There is a time to be out and proud, and there is a time to be proud and cautious. You did the right thing in my opinion. But it still sucks you didn't get the job.

Keep trying.