Naming Etiquette - Is there Any?

We’ve begun discussing baby names and have one boy’s name picked out so far. I’ve agreed not to divulge that name to any other human as baby names have apparently been “stolen” around our neighborhood prior to birth. I doubt the names were actually swiped, but how many Aidens can one neighborhood handle?

But back to the name game, we’ve initially decided that the babies will have both our last names and they’ll be hyphenated. At first this sounded like a simple solution, until I began considering names. The children would basically end up with four names, and our last names don’t exactly hyphenate well. Then I wondered what would happen when (if) our son someday married. Would his wife take the hyphenated name? A daughter could easily take her husband’s name, or opt to keep our name. It just seems like later in life, the hyphenated last name could become complicated. I’m not sure what most gay parents do about this since there really is no set etiquette that I’ve heard of.

My next thought was to legally change my last name to Nick’s. His last name is actually similar in sound to mine and I’d prefer that we all have just one family name. No one in his family shares his last name and I never cared much for my last name. At this point, I don’t feel much, if any, connection to the name or my family. If my parents found out, I’m sure they wouldn’t be happy, but they’ve already condemned me to hell. What more could they do to me? I’m sure they’d find out considering I’m a partial owner of their house and send my part of the mortgage payment each month to my mother. If I changed my name, could this have any effect on a possible future inheritance from them? Maybe I’m over-thinking this.

I looked into the process and the actual name change doesn’t appear to be the difficult part. After changing my name, I’d then have to get a new driver’s license, passport, social security card, credit card, health care card, etc. and then report it to my employer. If I ever applied for a job where a background check was conducted, I believe I would have to explain the name change.

Changing my name sounds like a lot of work. My main reason for considering a name change is to make life easier on the kids. Would it be embarrassing for them to have a hyphenated last name? Every time their full name is called in class, they’ll stand out. Another option would be to give them only Nick’s last name, and then I would be the oddball in the family. I don’t care much for that solution, but it may be the best option for the kids. I’ll continue my research and see what other gay couples have done.