We received a call yesterday from our surrogate that she was having contractions and heading to the hospital, so Nick already flew out to San Diego to be nearby. They ended up stopping the contractions and gave her a steroid to speed the lung development of the babies in anticipation of delivery within seven days. They sent her home and some decision is supposed to be made tomorrow as to whether they think it’s time for birth or not. If so, the plan is that I’ll fly out for the birth and then return home the following day. Nick can work from San Diego while I cannot, and I need to save my vacation for when they come home. The doctor said they should be in the NICU a minimum of seven days, so I’ll fly back out to help Nick bring the boys home. But then birth could be quick, meaning I’ll miss it. I’ll be upset if I miss it, but it’s not the end of the world. I’ll bond as soon as I see them, but I’ve always wanted to be there for that once-in-a-lifetime event.
My head was spinning today, and I continued my attempt at preparing the nest here at home. It seems like everyone’s giving me advice and words of encouragement. I’ve received contradictory advice on diapers though. “Huggies. You’ve got to use them”. “Get Luvs – they’re the only ones that prevent blow outs”. “Get the Costco brand. They’re just as good and half the price”. OK, I’ve decided diapers are like buying jeans. You have to try on 15 different cuts and brands before you find a pair that fit you perfect and make your ass look good!
I received a copy of Details magazine today and it had an article titled, “The Gay Baby Boom”. I guess Details knows who butters their bread! I found it interesting that they said single gay men who adopt or have a baby via surrogate and egg donor find that having a baby makes them more attractive in the dating scene. I would have thought the opposite, but it said gay men with a child are seen as more stable.
If the birth isn’t scheduled for Saturday, then, as a neighbor suggested, I should do something tomorrow I won’t be able to do for a long time. Maybe a pedicure? Go out to lunch and read a magazine? Rid the house of wine? It’s supposed to be a beautiful, warm day so maybe I’ll take the dog to Petsmart (she goes nuts) and a nice, long walk in the park.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Down to the Wire
I’ve been busy with last minute preparations – every day I seem to think of one more thing that needs to be done, one more chore around the house I don’t think I’ll have time for once the boys arrive. Our baby shower was a wonderful success and we received so many things we’ll need from our friends and neighbors. I don’t think I’ve ever opened so many presents at once in my life. We still have a few things to buy, and I’m sure there will be things we didn’t anticipate that we’ll get once the boys are here.
The nursery is complete, other than missing the dresser and changing table. We ordered it with the cribs last December, and it looks like it’s not coming anytime soon. Apparently all furniture is now made in Asia and takes months to get to the U.S. I guess we’ll figure something out. I washed all their clothes in Dreft last week, and I discovered the joy of folding tiny clothes and sorting out little socks. We installed a video monitor, put together vibrating, music-playing swings, and made space in the storage room for diapers and items we won’t need immediately, like high chairs.
This past weekend was busy with yard work, window cleaning, another neighborhood 1st birthday party, and time with friends. I’m already feeling exhausted, so I suppose I should get used to this feeling. Our surrogate is on bed rest and feeling very uncomfortable with both babies kicking. She’s still scheduled for a May 5th birth, but we know it could come sooner. I think our biggest fear at this point is getting a call that they’re coming “right now” and we don’t get a chance to be there in time for the birth. If all goes as scheduled on the 5th, we’ll fly out on the 4th. We’re hoping they keep growing for the next three weeks and won’t need to spend time, or not much time, in the NICU anyway. They were estimated to be over 4 pounds each a couple weeks ago, so they’re doing well for size.
I’ve recently had a few panicky dreams, usually with me alone with the babies, unable to do things I need to do. I’ve been told this is normal for first time parents. Mostly my thoughts are about what they’ll look like, what their personalities will be like, what it’ll be like to run errands with one or both of them. I tend to get a little panicky in anticipation of any huge, life-altering event. I don’t know why I worry so much about all the little details. Like everyone with babies tells me, you just do what you have to do, and as difficult as it is at times, it’s wonderful!
I had one more major purchase last month. After trying the baby car seats in my old car and figuring out how to wedge the double stroller into the trunk, I realized that it just wasn’t going to work. I had to move the driver’s seat up so far, my knees were against the dash board. I looked online at minivans for about five minutes before deciding against buying one. I don’t like how minivans handle, it would be too big for our garage, and then they don’t get the best gas mileage. I had noticed that Prius’ have plenty of leg room in the back seat, plus the hatchback, so I took the baby gear down to the Toyota dealership to see how it would all fit. There was plenty of room, plus space in the rear for the stroller and diaper bags. I don’t know if it’s an optical illusion or what, but Prius’ are bigger than they look. So after years with no car payment, it was time to buy something new and I’m very happy with my Prius and the 48 mpg. I’m getting.
We finally came to a compromise on one other issue – church. Nick had been going to a Catholic church in recent years and insisted that the babies be baptized. I pointed out all my problems with the Catholic Church, and I had a huge problem with him trying to raise them Catholic. The compromise was to join a Presbyterian church that’s somewhat similar in liturgy to Catholicism, but very different in doctrine. We found out many of our neighbors attend this church, and they accept gay people as they are. In fact, they were thrilled to find out that we were a couple having children. It’s a very open, caring environment, and the church is very much into environmentalism and global and local missions, so we feel very comfortable and welcome in this church.
The nursery is complete, other than missing the dresser and changing table. We ordered it with the cribs last December, and it looks like it’s not coming anytime soon. Apparently all furniture is now made in Asia and takes months to get to the U.S. I guess we’ll figure something out. I washed all their clothes in Dreft last week, and I discovered the joy of folding tiny clothes and sorting out little socks. We installed a video monitor, put together vibrating, music-playing swings, and made space in the storage room for diapers and items we won’t need immediately, like high chairs.
This past weekend was busy with yard work, window cleaning, another neighborhood 1st birthday party, and time with friends. I’m already feeling exhausted, so I suppose I should get used to this feeling. Our surrogate is on bed rest and feeling very uncomfortable with both babies kicking. She’s still scheduled for a May 5th birth, but we know it could come sooner. I think our biggest fear at this point is getting a call that they’re coming “right now” and we don’t get a chance to be there in time for the birth. If all goes as scheduled on the 5th, we’ll fly out on the 4th. We’re hoping they keep growing for the next three weeks and won’t need to spend time, or not much time, in the NICU anyway. They were estimated to be over 4 pounds each a couple weeks ago, so they’re doing well for size.
I’ve recently had a few panicky dreams, usually with me alone with the babies, unable to do things I need to do. I’ve been told this is normal for first time parents. Mostly my thoughts are about what they’ll look like, what their personalities will be like, what it’ll be like to run errands with one or both of them. I tend to get a little panicky in anticipation of any huge, life-altering event. I don’t know why I worry so much about all the little details. Like everyone with babies tells me, you just do what you have to do, and as difficult as it is at times, it’s wonderful!
I had one more major purchase last month. After trying the baby car seats in my old car and figuring out how to wedge the double stroller into the trunk, I realized that it just wasn’t going to work. I had to move the driver’s seat up so far, my knees were against the dash board. I looked online at minivans for about five minutes before deciding against buying one. I don’t like how minivans handle, it would be too big for our garage, and then they don’t get the best gas mileage. I had noticed that Prius’ have plenty of leg room in the back seat, plus the hatchback, so I took the baby gear down to the Toyota dealership to see how it would all fit. There was plenty of room, plus space in the rear for the stroller and diaper bags. I don’t know if it’s an optical illusion or what, but Prius’ are bigger than they look. So after years with no car payment, it was time to buy something new and I’m very happy with my Prius and the 48 mpg. I’m getting.
We finally came to a compromise on one other issue – church. Nick had been going to a Catholic church in recent years and insisted that the babies be baptized. I pointed out all my problems with the Catholic Church, and I had a huge problem with him trying to raise them Catholic. The compromise was to join a Presbyterian church that’s somewhat similar in liturgy to Catholicism, but very different in doctrine. We found out many of our neighbors attend this church, and they accept gay people as they are. In fact, they were thrilled to find out that we were a couple having children. It’s a very open, caring environment, and the church is very much into environmentalism and global and local missions, so we feel very comfortable and welcome in this church.
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